Screen Time 2: How To Reduce Your Child’s Need For Screens
So we talked about the “rules” of how much screen time is healthy/unhealthy (and why) in the last post. We also debunked some common myths. But how do you help kids who are seeming to be a bit too attached to their screens and devices? What are real, actionable strategies parents can utilize to make pulling away from screens easier?
You can certainly try all the usual tricks and ideas on the internet. Sticker charts, a limit of minutes, point systems, screen time rewards and consequences, etc. etc. Those are great strategies if all you are needing is a little system that works for you and your kiddo. But what if your child seems almost “addicted?” What if there are tears and meltdowns when the screens go away? What if kids are sneaking and lying to get that sweet, sweet screen time? What if you are feeling overwhelmed and sweating by the thought of trying to set up that “oh-so-simple-system” that Mrs. So-and-so says is so great for her family?
Well, you’re in the right place! We’ve got your back.
First, we have to look at the “WHY.” When you describe your child as “addicted,” there’s a reason for it. Using screens is STIMULATING. It gives us a dose of a brain-chemical called “dopamine” every time we look at screens and especially when we interact with screens (as in video games and tablet interaction). Dopamine is commonly referred to as the “pleasure” neurotransmitter. And while it is pleasurable to release dopamine in your brain, it’s actually more of a “reward” neurotransmitter. And an even better way to understand dopamine is by thinking of it as the STIMULATION hormone.
To help you wrap your mind around it, let’s talk about the types of things that release dopamine in your brain: eating sweet berries, finishing a task, going outside, doing a dance in sync with someone else, kissing someone, eating a piece of candy, winning a game, pushing a button and seeing an immediately gratifying effect, telling a joke that made other people laugh, etc. Now think about the great lengths children and people in general go to in order to experience these type of thing. It’s all to get this pleasurable, rewarding, sense of stimulation that is a dopamine release in the brain. Some of these things take a bit of effort, like finishing a task. But some are faster, easier ways to get dopamine quick, like eating a few gummy bears.
Well you’ll never guess what neurotransmitter the use of screens consistently releases in every human’s brain…DOPAMINE! It’s one of those quick, reliable, easy ways to get dopamine. It’s no wonder all kids seem to love it.
Did you know many addictive drugs also release a bunch of dopamine in the brain? Some of the most addictive substances on the planet are addicting because they allow someone’s brain to flood full of dopamine. Screens are not the same things as drugs and aren’t addictive substances, but there is a “mini version” of this same addicting effect of a dopamine-surge happening in someone’s brain. And just as people with ADHD are more likely to become addicted to drugs (due to the lowered amount of dopamine in the brain), they are also the children most likely to get addicted to screens…for the exact same reason! But remember, you don’t have to have ADHD to crave stimulation and dopamine and feel addicted; all humans crave dopamine!
So why do some of us seem to have more control over it or have less intense of a craving for it? Well, our brains get used to the levels of stimulation and dopamine we give them. Let’s look at sugar to better understand. All kids will want a “dopamine hit” from something sweet. But kids who don’t eat a lot of sugar get a lovely dopamine spike from an apple slice dipped in caramel. Kids who eat tons of sugar all day might not get that same spike from a sweet apple, because their homeostatic (baseline) levels aren’t going to register that apple as something to cause a spike. They’ll likely need a handful of skittles to get the same spike of dopamine.
The same parallel is true for all kinds of things, especially mental stimulation. We all want mental stimulation - it’s a great way to get some dopamine! Let me tell you a quick story, one about an adult, about me!
When I was on TikTok for a couple hours per day, I couldn’t bear to sit down and try to read. I thought my brain was broken, or maybe I was now just lazy. But then I realized it was just my baseline levels of dopamine and stimulation. TikTok is SO stimulating. 15 second, fun, colorful videos that felt educational and enjoyable, auto-playing one after another, moving pictures, bright light…that’s a lot of dopamine triggers! That’s a LOT of stimulation. The book, however? No movement, no brightness on my eyes, a lot more work required to get to the fun/education/enjoyable storyline. Books are stimulating…but nowhere near as stimulating as TikTok! Books are the caramel apples, and TikTok is a handful of skittles.
So I tried giving up social media for Lent. 40 days with no TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook! All my favorite get-dopamine-quick stimulation activities! I thought it was going to be hard. But actually…
It was quite easy.
It was very, very hard for about 3 days. Then it got easier. After about a week and a half, I didn’t even miss it. Not because I was “bigger than social media” - just because my baseline levels of stimulation were lower, so I didn’t need so much to feel stimulated and get a nice dose of dopamine. Reading was stimulating and enjoyable again. Dancing felt fun again. Sitting outside and looking at the grass and feeling wind on my face felt so stimualting, even though it was boring before.
All this to say…if you’re child seems “addicted” to screens, they probably are feeling like it’s the only way to get the levels of stimulation and dopamine doses that they truly need to be happy, functioning human beings. Their levels of baseline stimulation are simply too high from all the screens, so other stimulating dopamine-releasers aren’t registering as fun for them anymore. This is actually a relatively easy fix, without any sticker charts or minute-limit-meltdowns.
We just have to bring their baseline level of stimulation down! And there are so many ways to do that! Here are some of the easiest, least invasive ways to do that.
Sound. Part of why screens are stimulating is all the sounds they make. Reduce that. Maybe you’re child can enjoy all the screen time, video games, and TikTok they want, but they have to mute it. Put on close captioning and mute it. Or, at least reduce the volume to it’s lowest levels. While working with kids, my iPad is almost always set to mute unless we are watching a video. Limit that stimulation in a small way by putting devices on mute or low volume!
Brightness. A big part of why screens are stimulating is that they are bright and bold. Our brains love brightness. It’s why it’s so nice to be outside on a lovely day. Darkness is much less stimulating. Go through your house and set all your children’s screens to their lowest brightness settings. The iPad brightness should be at it’s lowest level. Reduce all that extra stimulation that is causing your child’s stimulation levels to be chronically too high.
Color. Another BIG reason screens are so stimulating is that they are colorful! Your brain releases dopamine when it looks at beatiful colorful images. Add in fast moving colorful things like videos, and bam! The stimulation is so high, causing big dopamine releases. Seeing colorful, moving images is why you can’t help but be distracted by videos. It’s why you get distracted and accidentally watch a bit of Bluey while it’s on your TV. Obviously, Bluey isn’t your favorite show, but it still caught your eye and stimulated your brain! So…TURN YOUR SCREENS TO BLACK AND WHITE! This is my favorite hack on this list because DANG…it works! When I’m getting sucked into TikTok or YouTube or Instagram, I switch my phone to black and white, and suddenly, the grip it has on me is loosened and I close the app and put my phone down easily. You don’t have to rip away your child’s controller or iPad from their screaming selves. Let them know they can play all games they want, but it has to be in black and white mode. Look up how to put your TV or tablet into black and white mode, put the volume on mute or very low, and turn the brightness down. The world around you will start to be way more stimulating than the tablet, and that’s because it’s now the thing with more color, sound, and brightness. Don’t believe me? Go ahead and test it on yourself! Put your smart phone in black and white for couple hours and see how much less stimulating it becomes! It’ll seem slight at first, but at the end of the day when you turn your color back on, you’ll feel the instant stimulation dose you get.
Screen Number. Follow the “one screen at a time” rule. Don’t ever let your child look at the iPad while they are also in front of the TV. Nope. Not allowed! This trains your brain to need SO much stimulation to be at baseline. Adults can and should also follow this rule, too!
Location. Have you ever had to tell your child to move back from the TV? My mom was constantly telling my siblings and I to move back from the TV when I was little. I never really remembered getting close to it, but my mom would instruct us to back up, and I always hated backing up to the couch. Somehow, the TV was so much better when you were right up close to it. Why was that? …You guessed it: stimulation! It’s more stimulating to be right up close to the screen. Invest in a long wired or wireless controller if needed, and make a rule that kids need to be further away from the TV when playing/watching. Maybe they have to be on the couch, or their gaming chair has to be behind a certain line. Believe it or not, closeness to our faces is a big part of why smart phones and tablets are particularly addicting for children and adults alike.
Alternate methods of stimulation. We want to provide other ways for a child to get that stimulation and dopamine release that they crave. Unfortunately, if your child is used to playing iPad games with color and brightness and motion and sound, crayons and paper are simply not going to come anywhere close to the same level of stimulation that they need right now. So think outside the box until their baseline of stimulation has come down for a week or two. Include games that are easy/quick, bright, sound-making, and multisensory etc. For example, break out glow sticks, light-brights peg artwork, glitter, slime/play doh, kinetic sand, water beads, dance party with music and a disco-ball, etc. Think about games and toys that stimulate the senses: touch, sound, sight (brightness and color), smell, and even taste! These can be great screen-free ways to still get high levels of stimulation your child might need to be entertained and calm. Having a different stimulating activity ready to go is critical when trying to wean off screens. If you have something fun and stimulating ready to go like a glowstick dance party, and your screens are silent, dim, and black-and-white, you probably won’t even have to ask your child to switch activities and set the screen down! - Also, one other secret…one of the MOST stimulating, dopamine-releasing activities people can do is socializing positively with another. Play a quick, fun, 2-player game with lots of attention and smiles from parents. That’s nearly guaranteed to get both parent and child away from their screens for a bit!
Try some or all of these strategies, and chances are you won’t need to have a screen time battle and manifesto. You can always combine traditional methods of sticker charts and timers, but they will likely go over MUCH smoother if you treat the underlying issue first. Help your child slowly bring their baseline levels of stimulation and dopamine down and they won’t crave it and need it as much as they do now. For all you know, taking a screen away after implementing these tips might feel as easy as changing the channel or closing an app.